Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We need to get me chipped asap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
