on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
