so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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