i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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