Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
