I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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