Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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