Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
