mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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