ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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