Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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