When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
