I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
