And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
