so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
