Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
