My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
