Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
