cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
