Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
