Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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