Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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