6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
