If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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