Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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  (205): what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/58rl
  Replies (38) Good night (743) Bad night (2979)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...

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  (757): my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'... http://tfl.nu/26q5
  Replies (15) Good night (4022) Bad night (1302)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

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  (989): you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out http://tfl.nu/f2m2
  Replies (24) Good night (1057) Bad night (5775)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

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  (917): she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in http://tfl.nu/g0n5
  Replies (12) Good night (3399) Bad night (1248)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.

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  (203): I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday. http://tfl.nu/b5pa
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (1630)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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  (816): Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion. http://tfl.nu/6cof
  Replies (12) Good night (1127) Bad night (869)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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  (512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c
  Replies (5) Good night (1048) Bad night (531)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.

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  (405): Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick. http://tfl.nu/t0hp
  Replies (6) Good night (997) Bad night (339)
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  (347): View more from New York

  That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.

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  (347): That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where. http://tfl.nu/6uae
  Replies (11) Good night (723) Bad night (424)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.

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  (970): Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome. http://tfl.nu/0viv
  Replies (7) Good night (790) Bad night (421)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?

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  (780): So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over? http://tfl.nu/dz02
  Replies (5) Good night (930) Bad night (324)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.

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  (973): Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration. http://tfl.nu/tyeg
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (275)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.

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  (281): We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron. http://tfl.nu/cli2
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (279)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera

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  (413): fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera http://tfl.nu/o2wd
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (366)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"

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  (919): sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits" http://tfl.nu/jfhp
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (234)

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