I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
