i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.