I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
