so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.