Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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