I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier