is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016