I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.