Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

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(209): it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits http://tfl.nu/hc25

Replies (22) Good night (1242) Bad night (7420)
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(208): View more from Idaho

The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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(208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2

Replies (17) Good night (8087) Bad night (1893)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

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(413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf

Replies (13) Good night (3500) Bad night (1015)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

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(402): Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hnii

Replies (4) Good night (3598) Bad night (823)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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(860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz

Replies (4) Good night (2910) Bad night (723)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.

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(704): Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight. http://tfl.nu/a7ns

Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (385)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice

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(306): so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground (306): and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice http://tfl.nu/0q9q

Replies (1) Good night (787) Bad night (323)
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(347): View more from New York

My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted

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(347): My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted http://tfl.nu/iwx2

Replies (4) Good night (1859) Bad night (490)
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(607): View more from New York

It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.

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(607): It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work. http://tfl.nu/ndnm

Replies (5) Good night (836) Bad night (459)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back

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(240): Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back http://tfl.nu/vrz8

Replies (7) Good night (917) Bad night (454)
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(916): View more from California

I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...

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(916): I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart... http://tfl.nu/pfn5

Replies (2) Good night (482) Bad night (401)
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(616): View more from Michigan

We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened

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(616): We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink (1-616): Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened http://tfl.nu/0an5

Replies (1) Good night (1014) Bad night (307)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life

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(704): Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life http://tfl.nu/jsnk

Replies (1) Good night (594) Bad night (349)
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(305): View more from Florida

Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?

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(305): Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it? http://tfl.nu/7lec

Replies (2) Good night (426) Bad night (399)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...

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(860): I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks... http://tfl.nu/cacu

Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (235)

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