proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.