I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i barfeds in our rink
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
