Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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