At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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