ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
