Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
