R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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