I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
