Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
4 words: hood of his car
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the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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