she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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