john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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