I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
