forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
