For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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