I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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