the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
