i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize