actually, I'm a sock model
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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