Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
