At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
