It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
