i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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