he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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