dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
