the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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