Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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