Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I look better un-naked...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
