Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
