ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
