I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
