The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
