Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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