Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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