Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
