It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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