she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
