So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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