She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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