Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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