who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
