tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
