i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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