I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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