I'm laying in your front yard are you home
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
