that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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