i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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