I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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