You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
